The Wait

The weight of not knowing is pressing in on me again
Sitting on my chest like a gradeschool bully
My heart is practically pounding in my chest
Over nothing but empty air

My future looms everpresent
Spinning out threads for me to grab onto
Worry
Always worrying

Everything should be so simple
And I make it so so hard

Doers don't have this problem
I am a fear mongerer
I sell myself this dark newsprint
I sell myself headlines of failing perfection

Perfection is a myth
So is security

Little Brick Wall in My Chest

Come on. Feel more.
Come on. Swell, overflow.

Make the perfect movie moment.

I want to force it out.
I always feel like there's more,
And I'm not giving it

I feel like my emotions should break me
I even want them to
What is holding me back?

It makes me feel fake
But it has to be real
I've felt things lurking and waiting to surface
How do I let them go
I've got to stop holding on so strong

Everything can be this snow-blind lightning
We can be done with it
All bald sunlight
All bleeding, empty white

Shallow Breath

anxiety is ruling me
it's always there waiting

waiting to bubble up from my diaphram
like cold water from underground
making my chest clench

billowing up like smoke
catching my brain on fire

when will I be free from the clarion call of panic?
when will I believe
life isn't waiting to snap under us all

Shameful

I'm extremely bad at being responsible
I think I'm getting worse
I used to be a real adult,
back when I was young,
I used to be very serious
Now I don't know...
I'm straggling, I'm wayward

But that's okay.
I think it's okay
It all amounts to nothing anyway
The things you save will just crisp and die
Like old yellow newspapers in the attic

I've always wanted to be able to play life
As the game of chance it is
Just a roll of the dice
And let go
Once your hands leave the table

Hey Lads

my guts hurt because of the feelings floating around in there
and my lungs hurt because I smoke too much
and my head hurts cause I think too much

but I'm happy again
I'm hopeful again
without rhyme or reason I am well again
or maybe this is just the float
and I'll be floundering again soon

there's some silly poetry for you
this is my introduction
hello